The Mutha Board

This is serious you guys.  The ridiculously overbroad SOPA act has been shelved for now, but the still stupidly overbroad PROTECT IP act is still on the table.  Maybe you’ve seen that www.wikipedia.com is down….

Or that www.reddit.com is going down soon….

But you maybe don’t understand the full scope of what’s going on.  So watch this….

THENNNN go sign this please!

If you’ve had facebook for awhile, you’ve identified with the above photo at least once in your facebook career.  If not, well what the fuck are you doing on there, anyway? Good for youuuu.

But if you’re like the rest of us fiends, you recognize that one of the biggest things that keeps drawing you back like a stoner to a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos (obviously the flavor of the gods) is that besides having everyone you’ve ever met within stalker-status-reach, the last 5-6 years of your life lay documented in Facebook’s deathly hallows. see what I did there?! Depending who you are, this may or may not be a good thing.  Maybe you’re one of those crazy people who thinks it’s cool to have pictures of you passed out on the ground in a puddle of vom-urine with a big dick drawn on your face and you don’t care about ever getting a job or not going to rehab in the near future.  Who knows, you might need those pictures for when you’re making amends as part of your 12 steps later.  Or maybe you just have lots of pictures of your friend making out with that bald guy that you need to remember. Or pictures of your cat.  Whatever.  The point is, you want all those pictures.

Well, now you have Pick N’ Zip

NB: Normally I hate Facebook apps.  No I don’t wanna be in your mafia while I farm your crops in your weird fake diner. Reject, reject, REJECT. But this one is actually extremely useful so take my word for it.  Because why would I lie to you? I’m a nice person (mostly).

The UI is nice an easy to use (although a little buggy in Firefox — but what else is new?).  You just sign in through your Book of Faces, click the FIND MY PICTURES link and it will load:

• All the pictures you’ve been tagged in.
• All the albums you’ve uploaded yourself.

Then, once you’ve selected the ones you want to download (or just hit “Select All” for you lazies like me), it will download them all into a nice clean (and huge) zip file.  What’s not to love?

Now I’m not telling you to delete your Facebook and go join Google + or anything crazy like that, because truthfully I’m not even at that level yet, but if you don’t want to feel like your entire life is locked up in Zuckerbitch’s evil clutches, this is getting you one step closer to freedom.

I’m sure most of you at this point have heard about Facebook’s upcoming Timeline feature which will rearrange your profile (yet a-fucking-gain) to show your entire Facebook life since you created your account.  Lemme just say this scares the ever loving shit out of me.  Some shit that I’ve done/said/tagged on Facebook should never see the light of day and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.  Earlier this year, when they started including alllll your old messages you’ve ever shared with a person in the chats and whenever you tried to write a new message, it was AWFUL!!!  My boyfriend and I did NOT need to re-live our fights from 2006 over dumb shit like being late for picking me up.  SOME THINGS SHOULD JUST BE LEFT IN THE PAST FACEBOOK.

Anyway, rest easy for now because this feature’s release is being delayed due to ensuing litigation from silly little Timelines.com.  According to PC Magazine:

Last week, Timelines Inc. sued Facebook for trademark infringement on its new Facebook Timeline product, arguing that implementing it would put Timelines Inc. out of business. But an “emergency” judge named to the case implied that Timelines has an uphill battle in establishing its own “Timelines” trademark.

I can already you this lawsuit will fail because Facebook’s lawyers are powerful, experienced and smarter than these people.  But the fact still remains, YOU SHOULD GET YOUR PICTURES OUT NOW.

I know that I haven’t been the best blog owner in the world (sorry homies), but I think if there was ever a time to jump back in, it would be right now.

I, like, most people on the planet, am completely shocked and saddened at the passing of Steve Jobs.  I’m not going to sit here and say that I’m the biggest Apple fan on the planet (in fact, I have had a post in draft forever called “Steve Jobs the Evil Genius” that I scrapped when I heard just how sick he was because I’m not a huge gaping asshole), but I would be a complete douchebag if I didn’t recognize this man’s contribution to what I hope to make my life’s work.

There is not too much say that hasn’t already been said, but I think everyone can remember their first interaction with an Apple product.   I remember the first kid in my school who got an iPod and everyone passing it around in awe, instantly understanding how to use it.  

Swirling the cool scroll wheel around and watching the screen actually respond to what my hand was doing.  For lack of a better word, it was magical.  I don’t think I even really understood what an mp3 was at that point, but I knew that I wanted that little white device and would do whatever I could to get it.

Up until about 6 months ago, you would have to pay me to use a Mac.  I found it torturous, mostly because I was being a stubborn brat and couldn’t stand the way people’s eyes glazed over when they talked about their MacBooks.  But that all changed when I got a brand new shiny souped up MacBook Pro for work.  My old dusty, beaten up 6 year old Dell named Herman lays on my floor, giving me sad puppy eyes every time my MacBook boots up in 30 second versus his 10 minutes, but sorry Herman, I’m never coming back.

Gizmodo says it best:

Bill Gates may have put a computer on every office desk, but it was Steve Jobs who put one in every dorm room and bedroom and living room. And then, years later, he repeated the trick, putting one in every bag and every pocket, thanks to the iPad and iPhone. If you use a computer or smartphone today, it is either one he created, or an imitation of his genius.

You know you’re the shit if even the President feels it necessary to comment on your passing.  I’m pretty sure Obama wrote his beautiful little epitaph on his iPad (that Jobs gave to him 2 weeks before it came out — jelly?):

Michelle and I are saddened to learn of the passing of Steve Jobs. Steve was among the greatest of American innovators - brave enough to think differently, bold enough to believe he could change the world, and talented enough to do it.

By building one of the planet’s most successful companies from his garage, he exemplified the spirit of American ingenuity. By making computers personal and putting the internet in our pockets, he made the information revolution not only accessible, but intuitive and fun. And by turning his talents to storytelling, he has brought joy to millions of children and grownups alike. Steve was fond of saying that he lived every day like it was his last. Because he did, he transformed our lives, redefined entire industries, and achieved one of the rarest feats in human history: he changed the way each of us sees the world.

The world has lost a visionary. And there may be no greater tribute to Steve’s success than the fact that much of the world learned of his passing on a device he invented. Michelle and I send our thoughts and prayers to Steve’s wife Laurene, his family, and all those who loved him.

The iPhone singlehandedly redefined how humans thought about communication.  It took cell phones from devices meant for simple exchanges of information to extensions of our personalities and a life management device.  And as much as it pains me to say it, as die-hard an Android fan as I am, iPhones are the shit.  Plain and simple.

So, put your phones in the air, turn your screens to half their brightness, pour out some of your i40 for the homie, check out Jade’s blog, check out the Google homepage and be inspired by Steve Jobs’ greatness.  All he ever wanted to do was make your life a little more fun.  Mission accomplished.

Heyoooo so after working like 10 hours a day, I realized that if I’m gonna be working on cool shit all day, I may as well write about it.  Unless you live under the sea in the Titanic, you might have heard that Google has pretty much been shitting out new products in the last few days like it’s their job.  Oh wait…it is.

Google+

The biggest, and most awesome is the launch of Google+, Google’s answer to the tyranny that is Facebook.  I for one am so sick of dealing with that shitty ass barely-working website full of farmville updates where people spend real money on fake things, trying to ignore people whining about the fact that they cheated on their boyfriends and got herpes, the fact that anything I see on there means that all 1050 of my “friends” will see it, the politics of defriending people and how it’s not cool to like your own status (“of course I like my own status….I’m fucking hilarious”).  So I’m pleased to see something that was brought about my such shady ass means/motives as to warrant a weird movie about it (Social Shitwork) and also at the perfect time when people in my generation who have had facebook since 2004-2005 are getting so fed up with the whole damn thing.

Why you want it
1. Broadcast only to your Circles, not your entire extended family 

This is probably my favorite feature.  You create different circles, kinda like groups, that let you broadcast only to the people you want to.  This means no more embarrassing posts from grandma on your status asking you what “anal fisting” is or your boss finding out that you skipped work to go get your ear lobes massaged yesterday.  You can create a circle exclusively for sharing kitty pictures (please believe I have done this already) so you don’t have to let the world know what a crazy cat lady you are.

2. Group video chat in a Hangout! 

Oovoo is weird and for people who haven’t developed breasts or testicles yet.  If  you want a nice grown up way to video chat (um yea I made that up—so what?) you can use the nice clean UI to tell each other how in love you are with nutella and banana crepes.  Don’t front — you know 90% of what you talk about in vid chat is that anyway.

3. Let Google recommend shit you might like in the Sparks section

The Sparks section lets you discover new and topical videos, blog posts and really anything that is of interest to you and your circles.  You can select a circle that you want to explore a topic with…such as….hand crafting condoms from ear wax…and learn as a group how to do it.  Why this is especially nice is because Google is actually in the position to do this effectively.  They have tons and tons of algorithms that suggest things that you actually want to see rather than a bunch of “Mafia Wars” invites and stupid emo ass videos by Nickelback **shudder**.  They even have their own version of “liking” things called +1.  Although the verb “to +1” doesn’t really roll off the tongue but you know…you can’t win em all.

4. You can sign up using your Google account

If you have a Google account that’s it.  No more trying to remember if your username is EmpressPenguin71 or PrittyKitty121 (yes those were both once my screen names) and trying to recall which dirty word you made your password.  Once you get an invite, you’re already in.

5.  It’s designed to work with Google’s new user interface.

This just means it looks nice.  But that’s important no? No more eye assault.

6. There’s already an app for Android (iPhone coming soon)

The only drawback is that it’s in a “field test” right now so it’s invite only.  The good thing is that you have a Fly Ass Mutha Board with some insider knowledge and some precious invites……..happy +1ing!